FIND YOUR SELF-WORTH
NEW TO COACHING?
The role of a coach is to challenge a client's thought processes and their actions (or inaction), with the intention of enabling the client to remove the obstacles that they themselves have often put in their way.
For want of a better comparison, a coach is akin to a gym buddy, but encourages you to activate and reshape your mind, rather than simply your body.
We get one life and we deserve to life with joy, self compassion and autonomy.
DO YOU FEAR FAILURE OR SUCCESS?
This is something I see time and time again. Often, highly competent individuals (dare I say it, usually it is women who struggle to believe our self-worth and who dim our light) will unknowingly self-sabotage, to avoid running the risk of fully succeeding, of achieving their potential.
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
A favourite writer of mine, Rainer Maria Rilke, wrote in Letters to a Young Poet that '... it is clear we must embrace struggle. Every living thing conforms to it. Everything in nature grows and establishes itself in its own way, establishing its own identity, insisting on it at all cost, against all resistance. We can be sure of very little, but the need to court struggle is a struggle that will not leave us.'
I find these words comforting, as it reminds me that struggling is a part of life and everyone faces struggles in life. We are not alone in our journey, we are merely experiencing what is not just the human condition, but the natural condition of all living beings.
HOW CAN YOU REALISE YOUR POTENTIAL?
I can assist you to tap into your potential by guiding you on your coaching journey, prompting you, initially by using a series of questions. One powerful part of the process is to examine and re-evaluate your belief systems and figure out what might be holding you back.
When you set yourself goals, I will help ensure they are achievable and realistic and I will be cheering you on as you work towards attaining your goals. I will be there to (as gently as possible) hold you to account, until nothing is holding you back.
IS COACHING FOR YOU?
I offer a free online taster session (up to 30 minutes), so you can decide if I am the right fit for you. Please use the contact form below if you would like to arrange this. What do you have to lose?
PRICING STRUCTURE
Following your free taster, subsequent sessions cost £65 per appointment in person or £50 if online.
HOW LONG DOES COACHING LAST?
Coaching is set at your pace and the length of the coaching relationship is an entirely personal decdecision. As a rule of thumb, most clients benefit from investing in their coaching relationship for a duration of six sessions, initially. I have, however, known one client with a very specific goal achieve what she wanted after just two sessions.
It is advisable to book your sessions on a weekly or a fortnightly basis, to maintain momentum.
THE CLIENT / COACH RELATIONSHIP
The relationship between client and coach is key. Anything you choose to discuss with me is kept in strict confidence. I am registered with the Information Commissioner's Office and abide by their data protection rules. I listen without judgment and work alongside you so that you can proactively choose what to work on and how to realise your goals.
During our coaching relationship, I will be alongside you on your journey as you gain balance and clarity; as you move from being reactive to proactive.
HOW DOES COACHING WORK?
Life coaching involves setting goals. One goal will do. Or you can set as many as you wish, usually starting with the smallest to conquer. You may find that your initial goal(s) shift considerably as you start the process; the key issues are often not what you may at first have thought they were.
MOTIVATION FOR COACHING
We get one life and we deserve to life with joy, self compassion and autonomy.
Coaching can be an immensely powerful tool if:
You find yourself at a crossroads in life;
You are seeking a deeper sense of purpose and fulfilment;
You want to take better control of your finances;
You want to take control of your health;
You are seeking to improve certain relationships - this often starts with redefining your relationship with yourself;
You are thinking about changing career or seeking promotion;
You want to become more organised and to prioritise your aspirations;
Decluttering your home.
And the list goes on...
A BIT ABOUT NLP
One element of coaching that can be very useful is neurolinguistic programming (NLP). The way we talk to ourselves and the self-limiting beliefs (often unconscious) we impose on ourselves can prevent us from living life to the full. It is my hope that you will learn to talk to yourself with kindness and compassion, uncover your potential and most importantly, learn to truly like and value yourself.
I look forward to working with you.
Find Calmness Through Effective Coaching
Experience a tailored coaching journey that guides you through life's transitions and personal improvement.
Who do you aspire to be?
What do you want to achieve?
What is holding you back?
LOOK UP - FROM HERE, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
I don't recall where I read the above quote, but it has stayed with me. We spend so much of our lives looking down or straight ahead, often at a screen. We stare at a computer screen at work, only to come home and be transfixed by our phone or television screen, to help distance us from our day in front of a computer.
If we look up, whether at the clouds, through a canopy of trees in daylight or at a starlit sky, we can begin to remember just how small we are, in the grand scheme of things. If we ourselves are relatively small, it must follow that our problems are smaller. And therefore, they are surmountable. Learning to stand back and simply observe, rather than being drawn into the minutiae of life, recognising our small part in a big world can help us feel connected to others and to the wider world.
By looking up and changing perspective, we can press reset. Nature is a huge source of inspiration. After all, we are part of nature. Yet, in recent years, we have become more disconnected from nature. We live in houses which are virtually hermetically sealed, with heating, electricity and running water. Endless entertainment is at our disposal at the click of a button. So it is easy to forget what is outside our front door, as we don't depend on our external environment as much as we used to.
I believe trees have something to teach us. A fascinating book, The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben states: 'The average tree grows its branches out until it encounters the branch tip of a neighbouring tree of the same height. It doesn't grow any wider because the air and better light in this space are already taken.'
If only all humans were as considerate!
Coaching can help us define and maintain healthy boundaries (borrowing the tree analogy, by not taking up all the light and air) and begin adopting new perspectives. Once we notice the unhelpful chatter creeping in, we can do something. If we simply don't notice it, we won't change. But if we listen and start questioning where it comes from and whether it is helpful to us, we can begin to reframe the narrative and rewrite our own story.
DECLUTTER YOUR LIFE, DECLUTTER YOUR MIND
Through personal experience, I have found that if we can introduce a sense of order over our surroundings and devise personalised systems, we are doing far more than simply discarding items. By learning to let go of an excess of stuff, you are also likely to be decluttering your mind.
A clear space tends to facilitate a calmer flow, which in turn can help with focusing the mind and reducing the risk of distraction. An orderly home makes us feel organised, boosting mood and energy and often enabling us to increase our productivity.
If you are despairing at the state of your home, however, don't be too self-critical. I like to remind myself of Einstein's quote: "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then is an empty desk a sign?" It is all about balance and I can help you find that balance.
We all tend to buy more than we need. It can be hard to let go of items that hold sentimental attachment or which may one day be useful.
Once you have successfully banished the clutter, one simple way to prevent it from taking over in the future is to impose tight rules about what you bring into the home. For instance, if your bookshelves are buckling under the weight of your books, consider donating books or selling through a second hand book store those books you no longer plan to read before you buy or order more.
Often, we simply need prompting and encouragement to start the process. It is as if we are waiting for permission to get rid of our own things.
Decluttering can be a cathartic process; once you have mastered the art of freeing yourself from 'stuff', it can help bring about significant change in your life, freeing up mental space to consider new avenues, providing a sense of achievement and empowerment. It is amazing how much more energy you can feel if you have clear, clean spaces, functional items and organised cupboards.
ADHD and me
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Although I didn't tend to display excessive traits of hyperactivity, my hyper-focus and tendency to daydream at school were clues. I had a very busy internal world and could spend days writing, creating stories. I loved being outdoors and I had a huge empathy for animals.
As an adult, some of my most infuriating qualities are my propensity to lose things, my tendency to lose all track of time and and my addiction to buying things for the house and garden.
I qualified as a lawyer, but did not fit in in that regimented world. I found Business Law to be incredibly boring and could not focus or motivate myself and I would struggle with excessive empathy when it came to areas such as Family and Personal Injury Law. I was incredibly detailed and I struggled to adhere to accounting for every six minutes of my time. I would frequently under record my time, so as not to run up high bills for my client, and would therefore have to work longer hours to make up for my time. As for filing, I never quite got round to archiving files. I didn't know why I could not manage like everyone else and I frequently felt as if I was failing and not sufficiently dedicated or motivated.
As with many with ADHD, working in an office does not suit me. I crave stimulation and variety more than most. This is perhaps reflected in some of the diverse choices I have made. I studied for a languages degree initially and loved every moment, especially living overseas. I studied Horticulture, Garden Design and Life Coaching and am currently undertaking further courses in Life Coaching and a certificate in Interior Design. I have worked in retail, law and PR and have had acting roles and worked for many years in property management.
For those with ADHD, it can be hard to find our niche. Having a diagnosis can be very helpful as it can help us see why we have not always thrived and we can begin to discover where we will flourish. We have so much to offer, but the key is for us to identify and learn to play to our strengths.
Many people with ADHD end up self-employed, as they are able to control their working environment. We tend to be creative and often need highly varied and challenging roles. We tend to be very good at engaging with other people.
My surroundings are very important. I surround myself with colour, different textured fabrics and houseplants. Scent and music play an important part in my life; i have a scented diffuser and I create playlists that help me focus and sometimes even help me to start my day.
Overthinking can be a key challenge with ADHD and learning ways to switch off is crucial. Everyone with ADHD has different traits and although we have certain qualities in common, we are unique and need tailored strategies that work for us.
As I have ADHD and have been diagnosed late in life, I can help you identify where your skills and your passions lie, so that you can create a life of fulfilment.
Home organisation
Do you need help to organise and zone your home?
If you need help with decluttering or organising your space, I can help guide you with zoning your space, organising storage and even choosing colours.
I have worked as a Property Developer for 12 years and love designing great function with a calming aesthetic. Everyone's taste is personal. but for me, gleaming surfaces, pops of colour, plump cushions, soft lighting, healthy house plants and fresh flowers can utterly transform a space.
What I can help with
ADHD
Coaching
The reason I chose this image of brightly coloured flowers was because it reminded me of the vibrancy of those I know with ADHD. I was recently diagnosed and it has helped me accept why certain areas of my life wer more tricky for me. I have found streamlining life makes everyday tasks so much easier. By reducing complications, I am able to address tasks without postponing the 'boring' ones indefinitely.
To function effectively with ADHD, it is vital to set boundaries, to learn how to deal with overwhelm and to break tasks down into manageable chunks, rewarding yourself when you achieve your goal. Factoring in down-time and being disciplined about rest and sleep is essential.
It can be hard to find your place in the world and to ensure you have a career that fits you, rather than you having to try to adapt in order to fit it. Whilst ADHD is considered an impairment (not a disease) and although we do inevitably face challenges, neurodivergence gives us many amazing qualities, creativity and hyperfocus being two typical traits.
In Scattered Minds, the Hungarian- Canadian physician (who himself has ADHD) writes: 'With attention defecit disorder, the question is not how we develop a capacity to shut out certain aspects of reality, but how this normal capacity becomes distorted into a mind dysfunction severe enough to interfere with daily experience of the world.'
If you have (or suspect you have) ADHD, I can share my strategies and together we can work on personalised strategies to help you not just manage, but to thrive and to appreciate your uniqueness.
Relationships
Enhancing your connection with others invariably begins with examining and strengthening your relationship with yourself. If you wouldn't talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself, why do you deserve harsher treatment.
Charity begins at home. The original meaning of charity was love and to have a deep relationship with ourselves and healthy attachments with others, it is important to nurture and love ourselves.
As the eminent psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck wrote in The Road Less Travelled:
'...we are incapable of loving another unless we love ourselves, just as we are incapable of teaching our children self-discipline unless we ourselves are self-disciplined.'
'We cannot be a source of strength unless we nurture our own strength... I believe it will become clear that not only do self-love and love of others go hand in hand but that ultimately they are indistinguishable.'
Boundaries are very important when it comes to enjoying healthy relationships. Prentis Hempill, an embodiment coach and writer wrote in Boundaries are the distance at which I can love, posted on Instagram: 'Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.' I think this perfectly explains the necessity for boundaries.
Brene Brown writes in Atlas of the Heart 'We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.'
Decluttering & Home Organisation
There is not much I love more than to throw things out and, but it wasn't always this way. A few years ago, I started feeling oppressed by the clutter in our home. Every surface was covered and cleaning was unnecessarily complicated.
At first, it was so hard to part with the smallest of things. Once I had iniatiated the process, however, with the help of a wonderful friend, it became less painful, until, one day I noticed myself actively searching the house for things to get rid of.
For one month, I resolved to get rid of 20 items a day. I sold on eBay, at second hand bookstores, and made a few trips to the tip and charity stores.
I no longer have 20 items to dispose of each day, but each time I tidy up, I see what can go. Outgrown children's clothes are an easy win and can be given away.
In The Life-changing magic of tidying up, Marie Kondo recommends sorting items by category, not by room. I followed the specific order she suggested. It worked. Clothes first, then books, papers, miscellaneous items and finally, sentimental items. Kondo writes: "... one of the magical effects of tidying is confidence in your decision-making capacity. Tidying means taking each item in your hand, asking yourself if it sparks joy, and deciding on this basis whether or not to keep it. By repeating this process hundreds and thousands of times, we naturally hone our decision-making skills. People who lack confidence in their judgement lack confidence in themselves."
If you need help with decluttering, there are numerous strategies I can suggest. The key is to start by getting rid of items with the least sentimental attachment; out of date food, unflattering clothes. Once getting rid of the excess becomes a habit, it becomes an easy task to put into practice each day.
Personal Empowerment
In Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown writes: 'We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
It can be hard to champion ourselves, as we don't want to be considered boastful. If we cannot believe in ourselves, however, why will anyone else belief in us?
We have to seize opportunities and attempy to live each day as if it were our first, with curiousity, empathy and openness. It is possible to have self-pride, tempered with humility. It is simply a balancing act.
If you feel as if you are hiding inyour potential, I can help you employ strategies to build confidence and self-respect and to embrace the power within you. Coaching helps us connect with our uncharted inner world.
Brene Brown observes: 'So often, when we feel lost, adrift in our lives, our first instinct is to look out into the distance to find the nearest shore. But that shore, that solid ground, is within us. The anchor we are searching for is connection, and it is internal. To form meaningful connections with others, we must first connect with ourselves, but to do either, we must first establish a common understanding of the language of emotion and human experience.'
The renowned American psychologist, Carl Rogers pioneered the Person-Centred Approach of counselling. Although counselling is different from coaching, some of Rogers's conditions can equally apply to coaching, namely that the client wants change, the coach is authentic and the coach displays unconditional positive regard and empathy to the client and importantly. that the client feels that empathy.
These are the foundations of the coaching relationship for me and are what I offer in every coaching relationship.
Contact
E-mail: calmnessfromchaoscoach@gmail.com
Appointments offered online or face to face in Newcastle upon Tyne or in Ponteland